Schpiel on the correct balance of: Whining

I have come to discover in my self proclaimed search of examining extremes that there are three baisic variances to approach difficulties/obstacles/frustrations in life.  One extreme is denial.  If I run away from the problem, or stuff it under the rug and refuse to acknowledge it, maybe it will go away.  ..um, no.  ..it won't..  (hint: it festers like a gangrenous splinter and will explode in a puss filled rage when you least expect it.)  Don't like that analogy? Don't let things fester!  You've been warned.  -OR-  On the other side of the extreme dealing spectrum there is whining.  I mean like when you throw a really gigantically massive pity party for yourself, and invite the whole world and bring hors d'oeuvres and really just wallow.  Play up the victim card.  Elicit sympathy from everyone whether they are willing or no.  Really pick at the scab, so the wound can never heal.  Yeah, not such an effective solution either.  That is where the middle healthy ground comes in.  You find those you love and trust (or you journal, or you blog, you find an outlet) and you vent.  (Venting is different from whining, it is brief and has an end)  It is good to acknowledge the problem, it is healthy to express frustration, sorrow and even anger.  However once sympathy and understanding has been garnered, a solution must be searched for and practiced repeatedly until I find what I can DO.  ..and when that almost inevitably fails, I try again.  And that is when I can actually GROW UP and learn to try and become a better person!  Look for my faults or shortcomings or bad habits, or poor coping techniques not to beat myself up/guilt myself with, but to change them.  Quit allowing others to take advantage of you or whatever!  Just find the root cause of my pain and fight it, stop being the victim of it.  Use negativity as an impetus for personal growth.  Not break myself against it.  The tricky part is to try not to give undue focus on what I cannot change.  But find what I can change and then change it.  It is empowering!   And not easy at all.  :)  But worth it.

I saw Silver Lining Playbook recently and he had established this principle into his motto or mantra and called it Excelsior (of King Aurthur fame) and used the negativity and opposition in his life to wield negativity as a weapon to fight back with.  Super awesome movie by the way.  It reinforced what I have been discovering and learning to implement in my life.  And the movie doesn't tiptoe around mental illness like society is want to do. I have found that this idea works great as a parental unit as well.  When my kids have a problem, I most certainly give them sympathy and understanding and try to empathize with them.  And then help them find their own solution.  It is such a simple thing, but it is easy for me to forget.  It is all about finding the right balance.