My personal soapbox on the matter of: Boy Scouts

You may think based on the title I'm going to go off on the issue du jour in regards to the Boy Scouts of America.  Well you'd be wrong.  That would make an awfully short post.  I mean who cares if there are gay boy scouts or boy scout leaders.  It has been shown that gay men aren't any more likely to be sexual predators then straight men.  So what then could possibly be the problem?  Ok, just bigotry.  All right, now that that is settled, lets move on.  That is not my issue. 

My issue is with the implicit involvement of the LDS church and Boy Scouts.  Don't get me wrong... I think it has the potential a great program.  I just think it shouldn't be endorsed, nay REQUIRED as the Young Men's program in ANY church organization.  Since when does ANY church trust a secular organization with the rearing of their young men?  Doesn't anybody else see the problem here?  It also creates unintended cultural consequences.  Okay, so now I'm going to get personal.  Growing up as a little girl who's personal unyielding motto was: "anything boys can do, I can do better".  I was intensely jealous of all the cool things my friends (who were scouts) got to do.   They got to go on hikes and camp outs and they got to float down rapids, they freaking even got to do archery and light fires and get dirty and have FUN.  Guess what we did in Young Women activities?  No, none of those things.  Not really.  ..except maybe once a year at girls camp we'd get a little dirty..  light a few and very safe fires, and hike staid and boring hikes, but those were mostly overwhelmed by and interspersed with stupid kitschy crafts that you could never throw away from guilt at all of the work your poor leaders put into them.  And lots and lots of spirituality.  Not that spirituality is bad.  But where girls have the gospel focus and lots of service projects (yeah, that is the SINGLE Boy Scout equivalent) and a little bit of "crafty" "fun".  Boys were turned over to the Scout program for their weekly reprieve.  They'd get their spiritual dose on Sunday but not during the week.  BECAUSE IT IS A SECULAR PROGRAM.  Not a bad one at all, and bless those Mormon den mothers little hearts because I'm sure they'd try to put a spiritual twist on everything they could, but it simply isn't the same thing!  It sends the message that Boys get to have FUN and Girls are supposed to be SPIRITUAL (and handy with a needle and thread, and house decorating skills, and that is supposed to be fun).  Really and you're shocked when those boys grow up to be men that don't know how to be spiritual?

I try really hard to not get all riled up about this.  But I think it goes back to the whole festering splinter idea.  THIS HAS FESTERED FOR TOO LONG.  I'd like to be more calm, but frankly I think that there are a lot of hurt little (and not so little any more) girls out there who feel the same way, but who don't want to rock the boat.  I know when my little girl turned 8 and heard about the difference between the two programs, she wanted in on the cool boy scout stuff.  I mean at least they're doing activity days now (they weren't when I was a kid, yep, I'm old)..  It is a step I suppose, but I feel in the wrong direction.  We need less programs, not more.  The comparison is laughable between the pitiful Activity Days program which simply can't compete in resources and time to the Boy Scouts which is simply too much and drains leaders dry left and right, because it is TOO MUCH!  And I haven't even touched the oft repeated mantra about financing inequality, because that bell has been rung my friends.  So I'm ringing a new one.  I hope that the church will someday adopt its own program for the Young Men, instead of leaving that responsibility to a secular organization.  Opt out of the Boy Scouts of America, not because of the stupid current debate about whether or not you can have gay scouts.  Because honestly the church doesn't feel that only being gay (acting on it is different, and I'm so not opening that can of worms today) disqualifies you from anything.  But because we're sending the wrong message to both our boys and girls.  Not only are boys perceived as being worth more resources (time and money) but more dangerous still is the idea that spirituality is for girls and fun is for boys.   And that is a disturbing message with potentially disastrous repercussions.

Schpiel on the correct balance of: Whining

I have come to discover in my self proclaimed search of examining extremes that there are three baisic variances to approach difficulties/obstacles/frustrations in life.  One extreme is denial.  If I run away from the problem, or stuff it under the rug and refuse to acknowledge it, maybe it will go away.  ..um, no.  ..it won't..  (hint: it festers like a gangrenous splinter and will explode in a puss filled rage when you least expect it.)  Don't like that analogy? Don't let things fester!  You've been warned.  -OR-  On the other side of the extreme dealing spectrum there is whining.  I mean like when you throw a really gigantically massive pity party for yourself, and invite the whole world and bring hors d'oeuvres and really just wallow.  Play up the victim card.  Elicit sympathy from everyone whether they are willing or no.  Really pick at the scab, so the wound can never heal.  Yeah, not such an effective solution either.  That is where the middle healthy ground comes in.  You find those you love and trust (or you journal, or you blog, you find an outlet) and you vent.  (Venting is different from whining, it is brief and has an end)  It is good to acknowledge the problem, it is healthy to express frustration, sorrow and even anger.  However once sympathy and understanding has been garnered, a solution must be searched for and practiced repeatedly until I find what I can DO.  ..and when that almost inevitably fails, I try again.  And that is when I can actually GROW UP and learn to try and become a better person!  Look for my faults or shortcomings or bad habits, or poor coping techniques not to beat myself up/guilt myself with, but to change them.  Quit allowing others to take advantage of you or whatever!  Just find the root cause of my pain and fight it, stop being the victim of it.  Use negativity as an impetus for personal growth.  Not break myself against it.  The tricky part is to try not to give undue focus on what I cannot change.  But find what I can change and then change it.  It is empowering!   And not easy at all.  :)  But worth it.

I saw Silver Lining Playbook recently and he had established this principle into his motto or mantra and called it Excelsior (of King Aurthur fame) and used the negativity and opposition in his life to wield negativity as a weapon to fight back with.  Super awesome movie by the way.  It reinforced what I have been discovering and learning to implement in my life.  And the movie doesn't tiptoe around mental illness like society is want to do. I have found that this idea works great as a parental unit as well.  When my kids have a problem, I most certainly give them sympathy and understanding and try to empathize with them.  And then help them find their own solution.  It is such a simple thing, but it is easy for me to forget.  It is all about finding the right balance.

blog purpose and intro

So... here goes.  I am starting this blog as a sort of public self therapy.  I am on a journey to fix my crazy.  Everybody has bits of crazy, and that is what makes us human.  It is through facing our weaknesses that we overcome them.  But we have to fight.  And so fight I shall.  It isn't pretty, and it isn't easy, but it is good.  I am fighting insecurity, perfectionism, depression, self deprecation and an inability to focus.  But I'm going to lay it all out on the line and face the ugly things I do not care for about myself.  And if my ramblings, ideas and personal solutions could help anyone besides me, then I have an obligation to share.  I like my opinion, if you do not that doesn't hurt my feelings.  (But if you are cruel about your differing opinion it might.)

 I dislike conflict, and because of such have honed the skill of finding a middle ground.  Truth is a balance, not black and white.  I am fighting extremism and close mindedness.  I am a pacifist.  I will endeavor to wield my pacifism as a weapon to combat pigheadedness.  This does not always mean I am always right.  Learning is a fluid process, and making mistakes is a part of that.  Wisdom is being able to see your own mistakes and flaws and learning from them.  I believe that if you look for it you can find truth everywhere, both in science, religion, psychology, philosophy and everyday life.  Truth is precious, and no one source has all of it.*  It is when we think we already know everything, that we stop searching, and stop progressing.  We learn from each other.   I personally believe that is why we are here.  Why different people have strengths AND weaknesses.  But the only way we can learn from each other is if we're not afraid to share.  Warts and all.  Especially the warts.  You learn the most from those.  So bear with me as I share my struggles and expose my warts humanity in my search for my truth of how to be a better person.


*that is a loaded statement I fully realize has the potential to piss off religious people.  I say this not because I don't think that God has all the answers.  (I also fully realize that the double negative in that sentence will also piss off English majors).  Because (wait for it) I actually DO think that God is the source of ALL truth.   But I also realize that then my point that I am trying to make might be rendered invalid; in saying that God has the answers, many people will assume you can't find any truth in non-religious places (and therefore not try, or not see it when it is there).